Where the Voice Comes From, or Increase Your Sample Size for Better Results

A couple of years ago, I had a bit of a revelation regarding my inner critic—which I affectionately refer to as The Voice. I thought at the time that it was something unique to me, but I’ve since heard it from others as well. In fact, it seems to be fairly universal. And so I’d like to share it with all of you: a bit of insight into the origin of The Voice and how it interacts with that other inner voice: the voice of positivity and encouragement.

THE WARRING VOICES
The positive voice, the one that says, “You can do it!” The one that says, “This is amazing!” That’s your voice. That comes straight from your inner artist, getting excited for the work and taking pride in what you’ve done.

But the voice telling you that you can’t? The voice that picks apart everything you do and explains in great detail why it’s not good enough? That voice is other people: friends, colleagues, audience members, even strangers you met in passing. They experienced your work at one point and had something to say about it that wasn’t what you were hoping for. And now you carry those voices with you.

When you were a kid, before those other voices came along, you thought you could do anything. More than thought, you assumed you could do anything. You had no reason to think anything else. So you threw yourself wholeheartedly into everything you did, confident that it would be nothing short of magnificent.

And then someone told you that it wasn’t. A parent, a teacher, a friend… Or, more than likely, all three, at one point or another in your life.

Maybe they completely tore into you with insults and vitriol, or maybe they just had a remark that was a shade harsher than you were prepared for. Maybe they were just dismissive and didn’t seem to care about this thing you threw yourself into with such gusto.

Whatever it was, slowly but surely, those remarks began to take root, to chip away at your youthful exuberance. Until eventually, you find that “You can do it!” has been replaced with “No, you can’t,” and instead of “This is amazing!” all you hear is “This is terrible.”

THE NECESSITY OF CRITICISM
Of course, bringing those voices in to counter your inner artist is not an entirely bad thing. Your inner critic is a necessary part of the creative process. As incredible as that “do anything” feeling is, it needs to be tempered. Have you ever met anyone who’s never been told no? Never been told they can’t, or that something about their work just isn’t right? They’re insufferable. And more than that, they can’t grow or evolve. With no one to point out their mistakes, they can’t learn anything, can’t improve, can’t move forward.

On some level, your inner critic gives you a sense of self-awareness that helps you strive to do the best work you can. The problem is, your inner critic is also a dirty liar. It will convince you that if it’s NOT your best, then it’s the worst. And even if it IS your best, it’s still not good enough.

The positive voice tells you that you’ve done something great. But you know what? It’s told you that before. And then someone came along to put you in your place. Followed by another someone and another and another, over the years. What would all of those people say if they saw what you’re doing now? Would you measure up to their standard, or would you fall short again? 

All of those voices pile up to form one Voice that continually tells you you’re not good enough.  And as those outside voices get added to your inner Voice, they become distorted. A casual, dismissive comment can be seen as a glaring indictment through the funhouse mirror of your subconscious.

Then over time, it becomes a condemnation of your entire creative approach, your talent as an artist, or even your worthiness to call yourself an artist at all. The answer to the question, “What would those people say about your current work?” may well be, “They’d love it,” but The Voice won’t let you believe that.

INCREASE YOUR SAMPLE SIZE
So, in light of all of this, what can you do? Knowing where the Voice comes from and how it works, how can you get it under control? How can you put things into perspective, to separate legitimate criticism from the feelings of unworthiness and inferiority? You have to increase your sample size. In other words, you have to invite more criticism.

It can be a terrifying thought. Especially when you’re blindsided by negative feedback or bad reviews, it can be difficult to put yourself out there and risk inviting more of the same. But the problem is, if you don’t put yourself and your art out there, then your inner critic ends up being the only voice you have to rely on—and we’ve already established that you can’t rely on it.

The more people you show your work to, the more friends you ask for advice, the more places you submit to, the more voices you’ll have to add to the chorus. If you can get positive feedback and genuine, constructive criticism to help you improve, it will go a long way towards building a healthier view of your work. Sure, somebody last year told you that they didn’t like your art. But somebody just last week told you that they did!

TAKING THE BAD WITH THE GOOD
Of course, inviting more criticism does mean inviting more of those negative voices as well. And they will come. No matter what you do, there will always be some there. Some people just won’t get what you do and will decide that, therefore, it must be bad. Some people will brag that they pride themselves on “telling it like it is,” and hide behind that seemingly noble trait as they rip you apart with malicious glee. And some people are just trolls, who hurl the vilest insults they can think of, just because… I actually don’t know why they do it. But they do, and nothing you say or do can stop them.

Every time you put your work out there, you open yourself up to that kind of harmful negativity. The only way to avoid it is to keep your art hidden away from any and all public scrutiny. And, as we’ve established, that’s a good way to become insufferable and never grow or evolve as an artist.

But increasing your sample size has two benefits in that regard. First of all, even as the bad criticism increases, the good criticism does too. So when those voices do come around to tell you how terrible you are, you have more tools in your arsenal to combat them. This person hated it? Sure, maybe, but these people loved it. This total stranger thought it had problems? Perhaps, but several friends had ideas for how to fix them.

As I’ve talked about before, this does take a bit of practice. It’s easy to get bogged down in the negative comments, even when there are more of the positive ones. But the more you put yourself out there, the more you can train yourself in which feedback to focus on, which to keep with you, and which to discard.

EMBRACING REJECTION
Which brings us to our second benefit: the more negative criticism you get, the more anesthetized you’ll become to it.

An indie author I follow set a goal a few years ago: to get 100 rejections in one calendar year. It seems a bit odd on the surface. Why make rejection the goal? But the point was to submit her work, consistently and relentlessly, to as many places as possible, without getting discouraged and without giving up.

When you pour your heart and soul into something, and it doesn’t make the cut, it can be devastating. When people pass on it again and again, it can be demoralizing. What’s the point in sending it out if you know nobody wants it? But if you factor rejection into your goals, then every time another “No” comes in, instead of a disappointment, it’s a step forward. Put another tally mark on the wall and move on to the next submission.

I don’t remember if she actually reached her goal of 100 rejections or not. I sort of lost track of her journey after a while. But I do remember that several of her pieces that she submitted during that time got accepted into various publications. Which wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t been able to shrug off those rejections and keep submitting, again and again.

The same is true of any negative criticism. The more of it you invite in, the easier it is to deal with. Like chefs working over a hot stove, you grab a pot or pan without a potholder, you get burned, and it hurts a lot. But after months and years of working in a kitchen, those burns turn into blisters, and eventually, you can move the hot pots and pans around like they’re nothing. You just need to keep at it and work through it.

So even when it’s painful, keep putting yourself out there and inviting the voices in. The more and the longer you do it, the better-equipped you’ll be to sort through them, keeping the ones that are useful and throwing away the ones that aren’t. Eventually, the sting will dull. And instead of making you feel inferior and unworthy, you can wear those negative criticisms like a badge of honor, knowing your persistence through them was what led you to something you could be truly proud of.